What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than by taking my favourite characters on hot dates in The Sims 4? And then writing a blog about it? I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing…
Bella and Mortimer Goth
Leading with the finest example of romance that the Sims can offer [name a more iconic duo], naturally I had to send Bella and Morty on a date to the finest restaurant San Myshuno has to offer, The Green Elephant. Now this might not have been the wisest choice for me as I spent a few Sim hours generally enjoying Goth family life and screaming ‘THEY’RE SO ADORABLE’ at the screen through happy tears.
Of course Bella immediately accepted Mortimer’s offer of a date and the excessive flirting beforehand was entirely for funsies. They arrived in style at The Green Elephant and Mortimer requested a window seat, which would have been much more romantic if a random townie hadn’t decided to start shovelling snow right outside, kind of ruining the moment… for me… Bella and Morty didn’t seem to care, they only had eyes for each other! Check out Mortimer’s flirty face!
Mortimer ordered food, he had steak, Bella has salmon, it was delicious and nobody got food poisoning. They flirted, they hugged, they professed undying love… It was perfect! Which is great because Bella will probably be abducted by aliens soon. Finally, Mortimer had to leave for work and Bella understood because her man is a BOSS and she respects his hustle. Then she went out in the snow… in that dress… and made a snow angel. Which I have to admit was weirdly erotic. It’s Bella, so she can do what she wants and I’m not going to judge her life choices.
Vladislaus Straud and Summer Holiday
I wanted to throw in a curve ball, a kind of ‘do opposites attract’ experiment. So I put the most evil, diabolical bartender in the game with a girl so sweet and bright her name is literally ‘Summer’.
Summer arrived at Vlad’s cryp… I mean mansion… *cough*… Summer arrived at Vlad’s mansion looking like she was auditioning for the role of Ice Princess in Batman Returns. She looked confused, like maybe Vlad looked a little younger on his profile pic on Simder or something. She tried to make some excuses so she could leave but Vlad hit her with a ‘You look like my long lost love’ line, which used to work really well on hotties in the 18th century but seemed to have less of an impact on this ‘millennial’ creature.
Not to worry! The relationship bar may have been nosediving into the red faster than you can say ‘Brexit’ but Vlad has more tricks up his musty sleeves!
He hypnotised her.
Once hypnotised, Vlad found Summer to be much more agreeable: she accepted his date and didn’t even protest when he shot her the finger guns.
‘Where do all these young things go to par-tay?’ thought Vlad. He’d heard of a ‘discotheque’ down at the docks [his usual hunting ground] and that seemed like a good spot to get ‘groovy’ so they headed there. Vlad tried to impress Summer with the dance moves he’d learned by watching the ‘Music Tele Vision’ but the enchantment must have started to wear off as Summer didn’t even look his way.
I can’t say that the date went well exactly… things kind of… descended from there.
Vlad found Summer in the cloakroom, I think she was trying to hide from him.
‘Look, I’m not exactly interested in closet woohoo with you,’ she began, eyeing his stylish bobble hat.
‘I’m not exactly interested in THAT either, my dear,’ he replied…
…and then he turned her into a vampire.
‘All’s well that ends well,’ Vlad thought. Maybe sticking to his ‘traditional’ courting methods was best after all.
Bob and Eliza Pancakes
A controversial choice, to be sure, but you know what? *whispers behind hand* I kinda like Eliza… I do. And I kind of ship her and Bob, at least in my game.
Let me explain myself here:
1. I’m a hopeless romantic and I want to pair everyone up. I can’t help it.
2. My opposites attract theory worked out pretty well for Vlad and Summer… in the end. Sort of.
3. Look, I think Eliza is a bit of a Boss Bitch, ok? I like that.
It’s just that when I play with them, they are really really cute together and I know they have separate bedrooms and everything but maybe that’s what keeps them happy? Maybe they both like a little bit of space, ok? They respect each other’s boundaries OK???
And look, as soon as I loaded their household they were hugging and stroking each other’s cheeks and doing a whole Foo fighters ‘breathe out so I can breathe you in’ thing and… and… JUST LET THEM LOVE!!!
Anyway… *ahem* …since Eliza has been working hard in the politics career in my game and Bob has been doing what Bob does best: lounging around the house, working odd shifts and a bartender and making THE MOST DELICIOUS PANCAKES IN THE WOOOOOOORLLLLLLLD!!! Bob thought it was about time he treated Eliza to a little romantic lunch date at the The Waterside Coffee Shop [because croissants amirite?].
Bob arrived first, ordered himself a mocha and found a free table. Eliza took a little longer because she was one of those annoying customers who want an extra hot oat milk decaff latte with a half shot of almond syrup, hold the foam. Meanwhile some old dude invited himself to Bob’s table and tried to strike up a conversation.
‘I’m on a date buddy!’
Eliza, who is not the romantic type, had somehow become involved in a heated conversation about tuna fishing licences in San Myshuno and the threat of pollution from the canning plant. Bob gently extracted her from the conversation and stroked her cheek lovingly.
‘Aww, that’s sweet’ piped Tuna Guy.
Bob grinned through gritted teeth before launching into a sonnet he had written to express his undying love and then swooping Eliza into a passionate dip-kiss.
I TOLD YOU THEY WERE CUTE!!!
Anyway, that’s as much love and emotions as my heart can take in the game today. The moral of this blog post is: If you want a Hot Date in The Sims 4, then you need to find yourself a Goth.
Are you taking your Sims on Valentine’s dates? Send me screenshots or tell me about it on Twitter!